what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
