I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
