I'm going to jail i love you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
