you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
