i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
