imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
