she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
