We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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