I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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