I'm gonna have a badass scar
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
