We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
