I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He better not be in your backpack
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
