I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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