I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
