I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
