the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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