Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
