He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
