I just made out with a guy for $7.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
