so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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