No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
