How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
