FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
