dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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