I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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