I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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