The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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