i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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