Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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