A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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