Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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