I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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