they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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