so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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