My first STD was from a foam party
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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