I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
