this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize