I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's the barista slut.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
