I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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