after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
