I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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