You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
