i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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