I'm drive I can fine osifer
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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