haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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