Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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