so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
