i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
