Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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