Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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