chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My vagina is officially offended.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
