I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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