I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
