you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
