your parents love me but you hate me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
