Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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