guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
