I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
