Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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