Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
