I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
