Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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