That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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