That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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