just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
well I can't set my house on fire every night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
