I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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