Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
