He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
