Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
