I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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